What Do I Do With My Anger?
Anger is a response to an underlying emotion. When those emotions are explored it can result in lowering anger being expressed towards someone, something, or somewhere because now you know what is causing it to come out in the first place. What those emotions are, beneath anger being shown, is unique to the individual. However, anger, racing thoughts, and other brain speed responses can be assisted through giving it a quick switch.
Redirecting your mind
I often work with clients who describe their anger “like a giant wave” which crashes in, hits hard, and then pulls back quickly. However, it can cause a lot of destruction in that initial crash, and the disappointment or regret begins to set in to replace the anger. When starting therapy it is often begun with healthy skepticism. “Will this work?” , “How do I know this will even help me?”, “They don’t know what the f*ck I am going through this is a waste of time.”
So we start with a redirect to show hope is possible for anger to take a breath! Here are a few I have used:
Ridiculous- There are some things you hear that are just so opposite that there is no way to stay in your current frame of mind. Pick a song that is the opposite of your anger and sing it aloud. For example- have you ever tried to sing Aqua’s “Barbie Girl”. If you commit to that songs intention, and sing those words aloud it would be difficult to continue to be mad by the second chorus. Imagine singing “I’m a blonde bimbo girl in a fantasy world, dress me up, make it tight, I’m your dolly” with a tone meant for heavy metal. You have to commit to the songs tone!
Sour Shock- Buy a bag of extreme sour Warheads, Sour Strips, Sour Patch Kids, or Sour Punch bites. These are only to be used when you feel “the wave” growing. Take one out and pop it in your mouth. Your brain will automatically redirect focus on this sour taste, the more sour the better, and you won’t have the ability to be angry. It can create a pause. Same concept if sour is something you love- Red Hots!
Ice, Ice, Maybe- Keeping a ice pack, I prefer the gel or flexible material kind, in the freezer. Just like in the redirection above this is very similar. You pick up the ice pack and squeeze. Typically I have clients tell me they were unable to stay angry because now “my hand was cold”. Their body felt discomfort, they held it usually for under a minute, and it was dropped into a sink. It is hard to be angry when now your feeling ice cold discomfort in your hand. It was a shock to these clients how they could not stay angry but also how the ice pack never popped when it was squeezed.
Paper Art- I once had a client dedicate an area just for this activity. They would draw on a blank piece of paper a design such as a boat sailing on the water. Instead of color they would rip up separate sheets of different colors of paper into the tiniest of pieces in order to “paint” this photo by placing the colored paper pieces on the drawing. The anger was released when ripping up the papers to be as tiny of pieces as possible. On days where the anger was higher then the colored paper was stacked to be more difficult to rip.
Exercise- Not only is it healthy for you but it can also be a way to release pent up energy. I have had clients use it to support their interest. A punching bag for a door frame, pull-up bar for a door, running, weight training, and even rumba! They are encouraged to be done when not angry and can be helpful to engage when someone is in order to release energy while clearing your mind by concentrating on something else. Even running requires concentration on the task or otherwise tripping over the curb is an inevitable hazard.
Long Term Success
What I mentioned above is a quick redirect but it is not meant for long term use. This is where therapy becomes assistive in order to learn where what is mentioned above is no longer needed. You discover origins of anger, and its not always what you believe it is. A therapist can help guide exploration into how triggers, emotions, thoughts, and other variables can influence a persons anger to be expressed. Then it can be adjusted to be expressed in a healthy manner where it does not feel overwhelming, or extreme in how it is observed by others.
How does that happen?
I am going to use post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) where experiencing anger is listed as a symptom. When processing an event we often identify a trigger in where anger is experienced. Let us use “my children don’t listen to me”. We discuss it to identify emotions present to be “frustration”, “annoyance”, “stress”, “tired” and “helpless”. It turns out some of those emotions may be present when experiencing anger in other events, and even during a traumatic event that lead to their diagnosis of PTSD. Trauma disorders often create protective actions that are observed by others. They can serve to be protective at the time, and later can be actions that hinder someones daily life, emotional wellbeing, and social opportunities. When the individual decides they want that to change they begin looking for a mental health counselor or other therapy provider. In this stage I recommend asking for consultations from providers to find your best fit because fit is a important part of the process in therapy. If you don’t feel comfortable then how will you trust their advice, ask clarifying questions, and feel you are supported with the outcomes you desire in what brought you to attend therapy. If you would like to discuss with me how I may be assistive with your goals you can contact me here to submit a request for a free fifteen minute consultation.